WTFrench - I'm a Mother of 2!

Zane is almost 4 weeks old now and I have yet to write anything about his arrival.  I know, what a slacker.  My only excuse, it got real up in here and boy people were not kidding when they said going from 1 to 2 (with a c-section) is a whole different ball game.  Yes #1 was no cake walk but this is...EXHAUSTING!  Physically, emotionally, and mentally (I ain't got much of that left - I have to keep making to-do-lists of the most mundane stuff, i.e. Item #3: Take shower) exhausting.  I shouldn't complain.  I'm one lucky gal with the support of some really awesome people.  I'll get to them in a second but first...

Happy Birthday - How was the delivery?

So when you have a scheduled c-section you wake up and say, "Hey, let's go have a baby today" and stroll right on in to a hospital like it aint no big whoop.  "Hi, I'm here for a removal."  I loved the look on people's faces when I said that.  

In triage they prepped me with an IV which took them 3 tries (rooting around with a needle in your vein is NO BUENO)!  I was hooked up to a monitor to see how we were doin and guess what?  Apparently I was having contractions!  Nope, I didn't feel a thing.  The nurse said that Zane was the poster boy of happy babies.  In other words it was all good under the hood and now we just had to wait our turn to be wheeled off to the OR. 

In tow was my ever-loving husband and my MIL.  How awesome are my in-laws?  They drove out here from WI to spend 3 weeks of quality time with Kaz before the big day and Oma (Grandma in German) will be here for more than a month to help us all transition from 1 to 2.  I KNOW!  This will probably be her last grandchild (it will be from me at least - the factory is officially closed for business) and I really felt she should be there to see it ALL and by all I mean more than she bargained for.  Yes we had a screen put up but according to my MIL she had a front row seat to my uterus, liver, and colon.  Lucky gal!  

I had people sitting in the waiting room too!  Two of the greatest people I know made the trip from Livermore CA to be there for the arrival of our little guy.  I've sat in a waiting room or two in my day and I had no idea how special that may make somebody feel till now.  I indeed felt special and loved.

With the help of one of my best gal pals Dzia Dzia (Grandpa in Polish) bravely took the reins with the #1 skin baby and sat at home till it was time to bring the big brother to meet his new little world changer.  More on that later.    

Within minutes of being given a spinal block a tiny human (who looked HUGE seeing how he was twice the size of his brother at birth) came screaming and peeing into the world.  He literally came out of my body crying and instantly pee'd on my OBGYN.  There he was.  7 lbs. 5.5 oz, 19.5 inches, and a 9/9 Apagar score.  There I was, shivering uncontrollably (a combo of adrenaline and anesthesia), drained (I know, I didn't have to "do" anything but damn it's an emotional butt kicker), and fighting not to fall asleep till the last stitch/staple.  It couldn't come fast enough.  I couldn't exhale and count my blessings till I knew they were absolutely done.  "Why all the drama?"

See, don'chu know I'm loco?  I couldn't just lie there and enjoy the ride because I was too busy worrying and waiting for that other shoe to drop.  "What were you worrying about?" Dying. There, I said it. I had the same fear with Kaz but this time it was magnified!  Irrational to the average Joe, yes.  Normal? Why didn't anyone tell me sooner that this brand of crazy IS normal - thank you JK for letting me be vulnerable and thank you for revealing I am not alone.  Is it irrational though?  Yes, the outcome of pregnancy is birth but think about it.  When you have a c-section you walk into an OR with 3 doctors and willingly let someone take a knife, cut your body open and put your insides on the outside while you talked to them!  Now THAT'S crazy. 

Well it all turned out alright and that's what's important now isn't it?

Introducing Zane Pawel

How is Zane?  Perfect!  It's only been 3 1/2 weeks but he hasn't been much of a crier, yet.  He even slept during his circumcision!  Though he is a fussing snorting grunter.  Poor little guy seems to have come into the world with a congested nose.  The occasional spewing of milk through it can't be helping either.  No he isn't lactose intolerant nor does he have reflux like his brother did but he does like to pretend he's a milk fountain once or twice a day. Maybe a change of formula might help but we're gonna just wait and see.  "Did you say FORMULA?"  Oh the shock!  The horror!  Yeah get over it.  If you can't, click here and read this and realize my decision hasn't changed nor has my position on the topic which this entry (click here) pretty much sums it up nicely.  Moving on.  He's a great eater doing a good job at packin on the lbs.  He's eating 3-4 oz. every 3-4 hours.

Who does he look like?  Well, he doesn't look like he's adopted!  He's got dark hair and darker skin than his big brother (to be fair he was see-through when he was born) and the jury is out on his eye color.  At first I saw myself looking back at me, the shape of his eyes, his soft features, but as the days roll along he is looking more and more like his father.  Just ask his grandparents about his fathers big inquisitive bug eyes when he was born.  He is what you would call VERY alert and his neck control is astounding.  All the nurses and the pediatrician marveled at the strength and control in that neck.  Other than eating, sleeping, and pooping there's not much more to tell.  What do you expect, he's only 3 weeks old.

Kaz's New Reality

How is Kaz adjusting?  When Oma and Dzia Dzia arrived I thought we were in trouble.  Kaz really showed us his terrible 2's (T2).  Fit throwing, non napping, temper tantrum bed rituals, emotionally draining T2's.  Oh where did my mild mannered little boy go!  So we did what we could to prepare him and hoped for the best.  We set up the bassinet and talked about baby Zane sleeping there.  We read the book, "I'm a Big Brother Now".  Oma helped him make a "Help" kit filled with diapers, wipes, and toys to help Momma and Daddy with his new little brother.

"So, how did it go?"  On top of bringing a new baby home it was also the first time Momma was away.  Yeah yeah I know, that is not a good thing but it is what it is.  There were circumstances OKAY!  Anyhoo, there we were in my hospital room holding our breath.  Kaz came in (I think "show down" music was playing - well at least in my head).  He looked at his new little baby brother in his bassinet and said in a very quiet voice, "baby Zaaaane".  Whew, it was going to be alright, at least till we brought him home (Insert scary suspenseful music here).
 
Just kidding, it was fine.  For the most part.  Once Momma came home and there was no more build up to the "little brother" the T2's kind of melted down to the everyday normal.  The thing about Kaz is he is pretty much an observer.  So much so that if you ask Kaz if he wants to hold his little brother.  He will quickly and emphatically tell you, "NO".  On the other hand when we brought Zane home Kaz wanted to see what would happen if he poked his brothers belly.  Momma didn't react too well to that but we've moved on and things are going along swimmingly.

For now we've got a man on man defense going at all times but once Oma goes home I may be singing a different tune.  Am I nervous?  Damn strait!  I will say there was a shining moment of hope.  Kaz heard Zane crying and he ran into the other room and came back with a bink (nooch - pacifier).  He said, "Oh baby Zane crying" and lovingly put the bink in his little brothers mouth.  I cried.  Yes, it was going to be alright after all.

Our Fur-Baby

How is Harley reacting to his new rank in life? - Dog gone last.  At first he wasn't very interested in the new little guy - Momma was gone for 3.5 days - he couldn't concentrate on anything else but seeing the Momma.  He does poke his head into the bassinet and try to smell him but I keep the ever watchful eye and I don't let him get to close.  Keep in mind our dog thinks he's a lap dog, all 75 lbs. of him so keeping a safe distance between him and that cuddly baby is best.  He's a good dog but he's a little extra annoying these days with all the excitement.  He's just trying to find his place in the new regime.  I feel sorry for him because all he keeps hearing is "Harley GO!"  Don't worry boy, he'll be pulling your tail before you know it.

The Empty Vessel

How does it feel being a parent of 2?  We seem to be doing just fine.  Dad has done a terrific job engaging Kaz.  They go to the Story Time at the library on Monday's, on Saturday morning they go to a Multi-sports class, and Kaz is happiest in his Daddy's arms when he says, "Me up!"  In other words we are doing our best to make sure Kaz knows he is still the number one Kaz in our house.  We came to a rather shocking realization these last few weeks.  Kaz is a BIG boy now. Bringing home Zane has really put things into perspective.  He has come so much further than we realized and it's as if we are seeing him through a whole new set of eyes.  It's super exciting!
  
I on the other hand have been selfishly recovering while mothering.  HA!  Remember this is new territory for me.  I got to recover for 50 days before Kaz came home.  This time I've got a toddler, a newborn, and an 8 inch incision to contend with.  Oh at first I fought the recovery.  Nine days after surgery I tried to be super-mom and make dinner.  Yeah, that was a bad idea.  UNCLE!  Thank goodness for my MIL.  I have no idea how I could have recovered without her.  She has been better than any pill the doctor could have prescribed.

How's that emotional sabotage treating you?  Remember the whole wacky hormone driven fears I wrote about in past entries - how are we gonna bring a baby home without any monitors to tell us he's breathing and his heart is still beating - yadda yadda.  The car ride home was the first sign of trouble.  There we were.  A block away from the hospital, sitting in the front seat with our new little guy all snug as a bug in the back seat.  "Wow, he's quite."  "I can't see him."  "I can't hear him."  "He's a little too quiet."  "Hey you, make some noise!"  "Should I pull over?"  Long story short; when we arrived home I was sitting in the back seat holding my stitches laughing at our foolish selves.  From there on out I haven't missed the monitor or O2.  In fact I'm more grateful than ever that they are not here and we can have a "normal" parenting experience.  Well as normal as we get.

The million dollar question - "Wasn't it incredible how you were consumed with love the first time you saw Zane; washing away all those silly little fears you wrote about having enough love for 2?"  I was consumed with joy and relief when I heard his little cry for the first time.  I was overcome with emotions when I saw the look on my husbands face the first time he saw him.  I welled with tears when I saw his little face.  Everyday my "love" for him grows stronger; the moment he cried with hunger or pain; the first sideways smile; the first time he reacted to my voice; the feel of his cheek against mine; BUT it's not that all consuming insta-love everyone told me about.  And as hard as it is for me to admit this I'm not gonna feel guilty about it because it's perfectly normal.  Thank goodness for the weekly updates I get from http://www.babycenter.com/ Check out Your Life: Bonding and please don't read too much into this, no I'm not suffering from postpartum depression!  Our relationship and my emotions are coming along nicely.

Visitors:

We've had some wonderful people stop on by to meet our new little addition but alas I wasn't the best at capturing the moment, oopsies.  I'm sorry.  Thank you Oma and Dzia Dzia, Waren and Leslie, Jenn K. (and thanks for the yummy din din you and your family shared with us our first night home), Karen, Jenn R, Marty, Yvonne, The Krajewski ladies, Jasmin, Alicia, Denardo, Cabot, George, and Soofia and Ehsen.  Ya'll come back now, ya hear! 

Just for Fun

Zane's Firsts

Birthday Horoscope

LIBRA (September 24-October 23)
IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: This year you have more impact than you have had in years. You also will feel the weight of additional responsibility. Understand that you cannot bypass this phase without experiencing a defeat or a problem. You could feel the demands of responsibility more than ever, but this, too, will pass by next year. You will acclimate to your new role. If you are single, someone you meet this year could be significant to your life. If you choose to hook up with this person, you will have difficulty getting out of this bond, should you so choose. If you are attached, the two of you could be unusually hard on each other. Try to lighten up. Make no major decisions this year on the relationship front, if possible. TAURUS understands you well.

BORN TODAY: Singer, musician Paul Simon (1941), entertainer Marie Osmond (1959), figure skater Nancy Kerrigan (1969).

ARIES (March 21-April 20)
Fatigue easily could be the result of an active dream life. You are processing many ideas. As situations arise that demand your resourcefulness, trust in your ability to see what others don’t. How you make your suggestions is what counts. Tonight: Don’t avoid a serious conversation.

TAURUS (April 21-May 20)
You bounce out of the right side of bed, ready for what life delivers. With this attitude, you’ll move through any situation that presents itself. Someone special acknowledges your innate talents. If you’re bored, move on. Tonight: All smiles.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21)
Stay even and mellow as you follow through on what needs to happen. You might have difficulty convincing others of the correctness of your ways. Maintain an even pace despite this situation. Tonight: Choose something mellow, but do squeeze in some exercise.